BODYPARTS - A MEANINGFUL POST.

Turning to english, for this one post. This will be a rather long post, but I hope you'l read it anyway, and get to know me a bit more.

Today, in english class, my teacher asked every student which bodypart was most important to each of our induvidual identity. Some said that it was their hair, height or eyes. Some said that it was their hands (of course because of their musical talents, not anything else you might think of ;-)) And some of them even said that it was their whole body - because every bodypart makes them who they are. Which is the right answer, i think.

When it was my turn, I was divided. Divided between whether I should just take the easy way and say that I didn't really know - or if I could be brave enough to say what i really wanted. Of course, I was the usual me - the sissy, who's afraid of saying what she really feels and therefore keeps it all inside.

What I really wanted the whole class to know, was... That's it's not easy to be me. I have problems. I'm the quiet girl in class, so my classmates really don't know me. They don't know who I am, and I wanted them to know that. So I wanted to say that my most important bodypart is my smile. Because when people smile at me, and I smile back - they won't even know. The won't get to know that something's not right. They won't know that these days I feel like crying every day - sometimes, for no apparent reason, and they won't know that I'm on the edge of breaking down inside and out, and dropping out of school.

That's why I smile. I could choose to tell them what's going on in my life, but I think I'm too proud. Maybe too independent. I don't think that I need them to take care and comfort me, because I don't feel like I need their pity. But I do. I don't have anyone to talk to. Sometimes I break out crying in front of either my family or friends, just because I can't deal with this "being me"- situation all alone anymore.

Well, now at least you guys know how I feel. Hm...